One confused body...

It seems to me that the plight of a seminarian is to doubt, to ask questions, to wonder, to wrestle, to imagine, and in the end come to some kind of new reality. Actually, that seems to be the plight of everyone, but when you put enough theological graduate students together on one campus these questions seem to be magnified 100x. One of the most common questions is "What am I doing here?" As I talk with other students I hear this question coming up again and again but not usually explicitly. I'm going to generalize here but it feels as though that question seems to stem from some core issues. We don't feel smart enough. We have no idea what direction our lives will take after seminary. We don't know what questions to ask, or if we do have questions they either don't seem valid or the appropriate space or time to voice them doesn't seem to present itself. We tend to be feel completely alone, like the odd one out, and yet I think that we're all in the same boat--the thing that could bond us is keeping us apart.

These ponderings had been in the back of my mind since the beginning of September but really came to the fore this week as I was attempting to write a paper on the similarities and differences between Deuteronomistic History and Chronicles, and their implications. I have a background in psychology and here I am studying Bible/theology. The language is different, the way of thinking is different, and the research is different. I was told last week by another student that I have a huge advantage because I grew up in the church and I also minored in Biblical and Theological Studies in my undergrad, which is true, but I still feel out of the loop. When I listen to other students articulate their thoughts in class they seem to have it all together. When fellow classmates speak out of their pastoral experience I feel like I have a long way to go in understanding. And yet, when I commented to someone about how I didn't have a clue whether or not my contribution to a class discussion was relevant he said that he sat across the room and was feeling the same way in light of what I had contributed. Are we all just a group of people, attempting to speak the right language or articulate lofty ideas when really we just want to ask the questions that are on our minds? Maybe this is a Mennonite fault (some call it humility), but why is it that we don't feel smart enough to be here? And how can I contribute to the creation of a space here at seminary where we can all doubt and question and wonder together?

Sphere of Influence

Imagine the oldest person you knew as a child. Take note of what year they were born (#1). Now think of the youngest person you know today. Take the year they were born and add 80 (#2). Now take that number (#2) and subtract the first number (#1) from it. For most people, the resulting number will be somwhere around 200 years. That is your sphere of influence. We will remember the stories told by those who have gone ahead of us, we will do out part today to create a legacy, and we will pass both of these along to the next generation.

Yesterday in my Pastoral Care and Counselling class we had a guest speaker who had us do this exercise. He pointed out that though our everyday lives may seem mundane or our actions insignificant, they may actually impact numerous people throughout history. Who we are today, moment to moment, does matter.

When it rains it pours...

...really, it does. Just before supper this evening I headed out for a walk and I wasn't half way around the walking path that meanders around the perimeter of the campus when it started drizzling. Something that I've noticed around here is that it doesn't just rain lightly--it's either just a mist or it's a downpour... so within a few seconds the rain started coming down harder and harder until I was running across campus towards my apartment. By the time I got inside I was soaked! I enjoy a good walk in the rain from time to time but today it was a run through the downpour...but I was laughing all the way!

Glad to be Mennonite

This evening I took in the Michiana MCC Relief Sale. I had been to the relief sales in Winnipeg, but I don't think anything compares to the one here in Michiana. It is rumoured to be the largest relief sale. I just read on their website that 1300 chairs are set up for the quilt auction alone! They had an international food court where Mennonite churches from the area served up a variety of ethnic foods but I noticed that something was missing--the Mennonite food! Their traditional Mennonite food booth consisted of what they call "Haystacks" which seems to me to be a layered dish of potatoes, meat, and veggies (sounds like my mom's 7-layer dinner). What I was expecting was the farmer sausage, verenki, and rollkucken like they serve at the Manitoba sales but no such luck. Though this sale was a whole lot larger and I didn't get my fill of verenki the spirit seemed to be the same. When I first arrived on the fairgrounds I didn't really expect to see anyone I knew but whenever you put enough Mennonites in one place there are bound to be connections and you're more than likely going to run into people you know. In this case I came across many people there that I know from AMBS and a few from church. And even with those people there whom I didn't know, there just seemed to be a familiarity that I felt comfortable with.

Michiana Relief Sale: http://www.mennonitesale.org/

A funny story about getting there: I was given directions as to how to get to the fairgrounds but as I was going along I ended up in a long lineup of traffic. There must have been over 100 cars lined up along the street. I learned, after about 30 minutes of waiting, that the main route into the fairgrounds was being blocked by a train that had actually broken down. So I turned around and started following other vehicles since I figured they must know where they were going. The cars ahead of me started turning off here and there until I was the only one on the road and I was heading into the countryside. I pulled off onto a country road so that I could turn around to ask for directions when I saw a sign on the road on which I had pulled off that said relief sale that way. I weaved around the country side and finally made it there completely by fluke.

Orthodox Church Field Trip

This afternoon the Theology of the Church class took a trip to St. Andrew's Greek Orthodox Church in South Bend, IN (about 40min from campus). The Father told us all about the Orthodox tradition which was really quite interesting. From what I understand and learned today (correct me if I'm wrong),

• They place a lot of emphasis on Christian history as they believe they are the mother church, the true New Testament chuch (ie. they did not "branch off" as all other faith groups have).
• The great consciousness: they do not change anything about their belief or practice and anyone who tries is removed from the church. There is no flexibility. There are no grey areas. In fact "orthodox" means "right belief."
• They do not worship their icons, rather they venerate them. The church is filled with paintings depicting Jesus Christ, prophets, apostles, and saints.
• The Eucharist is what unites the church as one body and that body to Christ.
• They are a Trinitarian tradition; everything is done in threes.

The more I look at other faith traditions the more I appreciate things about those traditions, but I also have a greater appreciation for my own.

A Saturday at the Farmers Market

Seeing as how I'm now residing in Amish country I couldn't let myself get too far into the fall season without checking out a local farmers market. This morning I actually went to two.

I had to share this picture of the American Countryside Farmers Market, located just outside of Elkhart. It's a year round market housed in a huge red barn and it's absolutely beautiful inside. There are hundreds of vendors displaying their goods on the two floors inside as well as a few set up outside. I enjoyed picking up some local produce, tasting fresh cheese, and admiring the many handcrafted items including some of the most beautiful hardwood furniture you'll ever see. Apparently they were holding zucchini car races and a zucchini recipe contest today but I missed out on those festivities. I finished off by indulging in some homemade black cherry ice cream.

My roommate and I commiserated that one of the most difficult things about being far from friends and family is not being able to share experiences, such as we had today, with them. So if any of you decide to come and visit, we'd be happy to share with you a few of the treasures that we've found in Elkhart county, but for those of you who won't make it out here hopefully I will be able to share a few of those experiences with you here on my blog.

Holland, Michigan

Two weeks ago Carrie and I took a brief trip up to Holland, Michigan. It's a neat place located approximately two hours north of Elkhart on Lake Michigan. Along the main street there are lots of neat shops to check out and we couldn't believe the number of ice cream places. It does somewhat resemble Holland, the country, with a Dutch village tourist attraction and a tulip festival in spring.