Integration...

Well, my transition from practicum to summer crew has been a quick one. The hours I am able to spend on the mower and weeding the garden are an opportune time to think about everything I've learned this year - and it's been quite a year! I thought I would share one of my integration papers with you to give you a glimpse into my world of spiritual caregiving. We were asked to write an integration paper for the Spiritual Guidance Practicum using a biblical metaphor. I wanted to write about the Spiritual Director as doula but I wasn't sure how I was going to base that biblically and I thought I might have to work with the midwife image instead; that is, until I remembered that doula comes from a Greek word which is used in the New Testament. You'll have to read the paper to find out more...

I decided to share this paper also in part because it is going to be made "public" and put in the outstanding student papers collection in the AMBS library.

I didn't know how to create a link to this file so I've just copied and pasted it here. The footnotes didn't copy so forgive me for that, but you'll find the bibliography at the end. If you'd find it easier to read in Word format (I think I would), then you can email me and I'll send you the paper as an attachment.


A WITNESS TO NEW LIFE:
SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR AS DOULA



Alicia Marie Buhler
CHM686 Spiritual Guidance Practicum
May 18, 2010



I would find it hard to believe that a person could witness a birth and not be deeply transformed by the experience. As a doula, I have had the immense honour of attending to two extraordinary women during labour and delivery, and witnessing the birth of their beautiful daughters. The coming forth of new life is nothing short of a miracle. It is at times like these that the veil is very thin.

The image of birth is one of the oldest, most primal and organic metaphorical images used by humanity. Though not everyone has given birth, at least not in the physical sense, we have all been born and have all witnessed “birth,” at least on some front. As I contemplate the spiritual life, the image of birth seems a fitting one. Antoine de Saint-Exupery aptly states it when he says, “To live is to be slowly born.” At this time in my life, something new is being formed in me. Throughout the past nine months my calling, role and identity as a spiritual director has been gestating. Sometimes little by little, and at other times by leaps and bounds, I have been growing and developing into a companion and guide on the spiritual journey. The growth process is by no means complete. As this Spiritual Guidance Practicum officially comes to an end and I work to integrate what it is I have learned, now is an opportune time to form a guiding image for the ministry of spiritual direction to which I have been summoned.

If the spiritual life can be viewed as being born or a series of births, the spiritual director as midwife would seem a natural extension of the image. In her article, “A Metaphorical Look at Spiritual Development and Direction - The Spiritual Director as Midwife”, Joyce Diltz compares these two multi-faceted roles in terms of their teaching, facilitating, offering of hope, lighting the way, holding a mirror, being with, and witnessing functions. She writes, “As spiritual director, I am privileged to be part of the mystery of birth – that birth into fullness of life and intimacy with God to which we are invited at ever deeper levels.” The image of director as midwife can be biblically grounded in David’s reference to God as midwife found in the 22nd Psalm, “Yet it was you who took me from the womb; you kept me safe on my mother’s breast. On you I was cast from my birth, and since my mother bore me you have been my God” (v. 9-10). Further, the work of Jesus Christ has often been framed in terms of new life; “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10.10). In our baptism it is said that we are buried with Christ and raised up again, “so we too might walk in newness of life” (Romans 6.4). In John 3 Jesus spoke with Nicodemus about what it means to be born from above (v.3),

Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be astonished that I said to you, ‘You must be born from above.’ The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit (John 3.5-8).

The role of a labour doula is not unlike the role of a midwife in childbirth. Like the midwife, the doula stays with, encourages, supports, and attends to a woman throughout labour and delivery. The title of doula is derived from the Greek δούλη (doulē) which translated means “slave woman” or “female servant.” With a little digging I discovered, to my amazement and delight, that δούλη is the word translated “servant” in Mary’s response to the angel Gabriel’s pronouncement of her miraculous pregnancy as recorded in Luke 1.38; “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” This discovery was particularly exciting for me because the Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus, has been a significant biblical figure for me throughout my spiritual journey. Her response to the angel is one that Christians through the centuries have revered. Mary spoke words of hope, trust and deep faith in the midst of what must have been a daunting call.

It strikes me that Mary did not choose her role in the Messiah’s coming, but rather she was chosen. So too, most spiritual directors have a sense of unsolicited calling and find that they are sought out by others who request spiritual counsel. As a result, there is a certain humility – like that of a servant – in response to this calling. I am tempted to ask, as some of the prophets of old did, “Who am I to be called?” I am not old enough. I am not wise enough. I am not holy enough. I am not spiritual enough. I am not enough. However, as I grow into my newfound identity as a ministering person, I am learning to echo the words of Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, “For I am the least of the apostles, unfit to be called an apostle…But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me has not been in vain” (15.9-10).

So as I prayerfully join with Mary in saying, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord,” albeit hesitatingly at times, I find myself on the verge of something new, surrendering to the process. I will reflect a bit now on the new awarenesses that have been developing over these last nine months in light of birth, doula and midwifery imagery.

First and foremost, the work of birthing a child belongs to the mother and her very capable body, which by Divine design innately knows exactly how to give birth. A midwife and doula know that while they may bring knowledge of the process, this is not primarily their work to do. As a servant, a doula will offer support in the form of nourishment or other comfort measures to free the mother to do the work set before her. The spiritual director also plays the accompanying role. While bringing some insights about the stages and phases of the spiritual journey, the director always guides with the understanding that the Holy Spirit is already at work in the directee’s life and that paying attention to the wisdom held therein is the wisest course of action. In this sense it is God who is the ultimate director. Spiritual direction at its core is about developing awareness of God who is already present and active in a directee’s life.

That is not to say that there are not times when a director will take a more directive approach. For instance, both spiritual director and midwife will take on the role of teacher at various points along the way. One of the ways in which I as a director have become the teacher is when it comes to the exploration of spiritual disciplines. When a directee states that their practices have become stale or they inquire about new prayer practices it is my responsibility as the director to have my toolkit of resources ready and to take the opportunity to share these with a directee. A good teacher will know the importance of careful listening in order to tailor their teaching to the needs and learning style of the student. A spiritual direction inventory is an incredibly helpful tool for developing a foundation from the very beginning upon which to build. Stages of spiritual development and the differences between male and female spirituality, as we read about and spoke about in class, are other indicators to the director as to what type of teaching may be called for. The chapter in W. Paul Jones’ The Art of Spiritual Direction titled “Spiritual Diversity: The Tailor-made Nature of Spiritual Direction” outlines five theological worlds, any of which a directee may be oriented toward. Typologies based on Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram may also be helpful resources. The danger of boxing people in and labeling them, however, makes the caution to listen carefully before teaching especially critical when using these types of aids.

The labour doula is invited into a woman’s life at an incredibly vulnerable time. The wise doula helps to create a safe and sacred space into which new life may emerge and honours the incredible invitation to enter in to such an intimate moment. I am reminded of something I heard recently in regard to spiritual care: to ask the spiritual questions is to ask the intimate questions. With the way our society has shifted, questions of a sexual nature are not necessarily the most intimate anymore. We have become unaccustomed, even in most of our churches, to talk about the spiritual questions; how is your relationship with God? What are you struggling with, spiritually? Where has God’s presence been evident to you lately? How can I pray for you? Just as a doula needs to respect the intimate nature of the delivery process, so too, a spiritual director needs to respect the intimate and vulnerable nature of spiritual direction. Only by honouring the sacredness of the journey and creating an atmosphere of safety – which includes confidentiality, competence and sensitivity – will the directee be able to relax into the process. In Listening for the Soul, Jean Stairs emphasizes that listening is an intimate act;
By intimacy, I mean a closeness of spirit generated by sharing the full range of human emotions, thoughts, and experiences, including one’s strengths, vulnerabilities, and deepest spiritual images, questions, prayers, laments, and concerns. Intimacy is willingness to self-disclose and cherish in mutuality our humanness and our common seeking of the God who seeks us. It is in this sense that soul-listening is profoundly and intensely intimate.

In order to respect the sacred birthing space, the doula-director must always keep in mind that their attending to another’s story is a privilege and never a right.
Margaret Guenther does a marvelous job of drawing out the metaphor of spiritual director as midwife. In Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, Guenther pays a fair amount of attention to times of waiting. This is the gestating period, when it may seem as though nothing is happening or that the process one is in feels painstakingly slow. The doula-director and the mother-directee wait together. While there are a limited number of activities that a doula can suggest and a mother can initiate in order to encourage labour, for the most part waiting is all one can do until the baby is fully developed and the mother’s body signals that it is time to give birth. Even in the beginning stages of labour, the waiting continues. Patience is a virtue. The long waiting process can be disheartening at times for both mother and doula. It is then the doula’s role to continue to encourage, empathize with the mother in her discouragement at the difficulty of the waiting process, and simply – yet profoundly – remain present. All gestating eventually results in something new and as labour begins and then intensifies, all involved wait in eager anticipation knowing that they are on the verge of new life.

The transition phase of labour is the most difficult. It is typically during this late first stage phase that a labouring woman will feel a complete loss of control, and at times a loss of hope as well. It is particularly important for strong emotional and physical support to be present during the transition as birth nears, concentration increases and focus narrows. In the spiritual life the dark night may serve as a transitional phase of sorts. A term coined by John of the Cross in the 16th century, the dark night is one of the ways in which God forms us more and more into the likeness of Christ. It is characterized by three signs:
…first, a sense of dryness in one’s spiritual life; second, a difficult time praying in one’s usual way, sometimes even an inability to pray; and third, a growing desire to be alone in loving awareness of God.

It seems to me that the very experience of a dark night is what may bring a directee to spiritual direction. Just as a labouring woman knows that while she is capable of giving birth alone it is beneficial to gather support around her during such an intense time, those in a dark night may sense that companionship and guidance through the darkness is beneficial.

After a long and arduous labour, new life emerges. Those companions who persevere through the ups and downs of the labour process are honoured to witness this new birth, one of the most awe-inspiring events in life. It is a time for celebration, perhaps with a naming ceremony or a ritual to mark the milestone. This is not the end – no, in a sense it is another beginning. One of the differences between pastoral counseling and spiritual direction is the focus and outlook of direction. Pastoral counseling is often crisis or problem driven and once the crisis has passed, the intentional form of care is discontinued. The spiritual direction relationship, on the other hand, continues as the directee lives into their new reality just as the midwife and doula provide post-partum care for some time while the new mother adjusts to life with baby. In the spiritual life, the cycle of waiting, labour, and delivery continue for a lifetime and a spiritual direction relationship may be sustained over the long term.

The director is also on a spiritual journey of birthing newness and being born into new life. Early on in the Spiritual Guidance course we talked about the tendency of directors to work with directees who are asking questions similar to one’s own or whose journeys resemble one another in some way. I have found this to be the case with all four of the directees I have had the privilege of working with this year. I have witnessed in sessions how experiences from vast arenas of my life inform my listening and understanding. In comparison, most often a doula is a woman who herself has given birth and then brings her experience to bear when caring for another. There is still an understanding that the other is living a different story than one’s own, so awareness of transference and countertransference issues is key. Empathic listening derived from similarity of experience, however, is invaluable in the direction relationship and I believe the Holy Spirit uses these encounters to share gathered wisdom.

Given that directors are also navigating their own journey there is good reason for spiritual directors to receive direction themselves, which is in fact an ethical guideline of Spiritual Directors International. Here I find the midwifery and doula imagery particularly helpful. A woman who is going through the pains of labour is not able to do for herself what those attending to her are able to do. Even in the early stages of labour when the contractions are manageable, it is reassuring to know that support is close at hand and that one is not alone. The spiritual life is not meant to be journeyed alone. True, I own my own journey and there are tasks along the way that only I can undertake. True, too, that the central focus of my spiritual life is on my relationship with God, not on my relationship with a director. However, I have come to appreciate the fact that my director has a vantage point on my journey that I do not and she is able to offer a listening ear and insights, as well as encouragement, reminders and suggestions, that I may not be able or willing to offer myself.

Spiritual formation is communal. I have focused here on the one-on-one form of personal spiritual direction and, as a result, have focused my reflections on the relationship between mother and doula, directee and director. The birth of a child, however, does not happen in isolation. When a child is born, he or she is received into a family and into a community. The intimate nature of our spiritual lives, as I mentioned above, has to some degree resulted in an unnatural isolation. Spiritual direction, then, is one way in which to draw out our spiritual selves so that we may share our new life with the witnessing community as a whole. This is one way in which spiritual direction is a ministry of the church. As a part of this course we have explored how spiritual direction ministry is situated within the larger ministry of the church, and particularly looked at the role of the pastor as a spiritual guide. One way of drawing the role of the church into the birthing metaphor is to view the role of the church in terms of childbirth class – a place in which to become equipped and prepared for the bringing forth of new life. I recognize that this correlation is not perfect, for the church may – and should – serve as a delivery room as well. Situating spiritual direction as a ministry of the church, however, brings spiritual birth and the coming forth of new life into the context of community where it should be.

As this formational practicum draws to a close, I pause to reflect on the question that all spiritual directors ask in one form or another, where is God in all of this? I believe that God is in the physical birth of each and every person as the creative Mother who gives birth to all of humanity. As human beings formed in the image of God, each one of us has the innate capacity to conceive, carry new life deep within us as it forms and develops, and then labour in order to deliver this new life. This is nothing short of awe-inspiring. We are naturally drawn to become aware of God in the new life; however, God is also in the excruciating pain of the contracting and pushing, and even tearing, during the labour and delivery process – elusive as the Presence may seem at these times. God is in the waiting – a time at which we may learn to know God’s presence in the silence, that is, if we are able to let go of our need to constantly make something happen. God is not only the Conceiver of our spirits, but also the Midwife at their birth. The fullness of our spiritual selves is not born in an instant, but rather it is born over a lifetime. God is a God of life, and God is making all things new. Spiritual direction, then, is in the service of this becoming.

The last nine months have been a period of intense growth and development for me, not only as a spiritual director but also as a pastoral counsellor and chaplain. These three roles, all falling under the wider umbrella of pastoral care, cannot so easily be teased apart. What I have learned in this Spiritual Guidance Practicum has transformed my work as an intern hospital chaplain, and the encounters I have been privileged to experience as a chaplain, particularly the ones that have required more priestly or sacramental care, have greatly influenced my ministry of spiritual direction. So now, after these nine long months I join with the Virgin Mary, tenderly holding this very fragile new life – one of ministerial identity – and marvel at the wonder and awe of God’s calling. I am not the Creator. I am simply the conduit. Carrying this promise of new life has been joyful at times, scary at other times and even painful sometimes. This new life that has been brought forth will need to be nurtured so that it will continue to grow and develop. Just as a mother holds her newborn child and is overcome with wonder at this unique individual and endless possibility, I also find that I cannot even imagine what this new life all means and how it will continue to transform me. May I continue to respond in faith with Mary, Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.




References

Note: Bibliographic references from the Spiritual Guidance Practicum course packet may not be complete.

Diltz, Joyce. “A Metaphorical look at Spiritual Development and Direction – The Spiritual Director as Midwife.” Presence: The Journal of Spiritual Directors International.
Edwards, Tilden H. “The Pastor as Spiritual Guide.” Weavings 11, no. 4 (July/August, 87): p. 6-12.
Glendon, Lowell. “Portrait of a Trained Spiritual Director.” Connections, Spiritual Directors International.
Guenther, Margaret. Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction. Plymouth, UK: Cowley Publications, 1992.
Harries, Thomas D. “Spiritual Check-In.” Action Information 17, no. 5 (1991).
Jones, W. Paul. The Art of Spiritual Direction: Giving and Receiving Spiritual Guidance. Nashville: Upper Room Books, 2002.
Kropf, Marlene. “Assessment of Potential for Becoming a Spiritual Director.” AMBS Spiritual Guidance Practicum Course Pack, 2009-2010.
Rice, Howard. “A Calling Seeking Definition.” The Pastor as Spiritual Guide. Upper Room Books, 1998: 19-38.
Schrock, Dan. The Dark Night: A Gift of God. Scottdale, PA: Herald Press, 2009.
Salem. “Some Qualities to Reflect Upon for Spiritual Directors.” Salem, 5430 Grosvenor Lane, Bethesda, MD, 20814.
Spiritual Directors International. Guidelines for Ethical Conduct. Bellevue, WA: Spiritual Directors International, 2000.
Stairs, Jean. Listening for the Soul: Pastoral Care and Spiritual Direction. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2000.
Swanson, James. Dictionary of Biblical Languages With Semantic Domains: Greek (New Testament), electronic ed. Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997.