Lets Talk...and Listen

For the past month or so I've been seeing Bell's "Lets Talk" ads inviting us to talk about depression and mental illness on February 8. While I'm not jumping on Bell's campaign, I have been feeling compelled to talk. As you may or may not know, I struggled with severe depression for a number of years. Through that difficult time and even in more recent years, I often chose not to talk about it. But today I'm talking about it...or at least blogging about it, because so many people won't. I think we need more stories out there of healing and hope, so here is testimony of my journey of healing from depression.

I was first diagnosed with depression during my grade 12 year at the age of 17. My family doctor was wise enough to require me to go for counselling, which yielded no discernible social or emotional cause, before prescribing anti-depressant medication. Knowing what I know now about counselling and inner work, I can see that there was much to be desired in the counselling I received. At any rate, I clung to my family doctor and the medication he was prescribing as my lifeline - quite literally at times as suicidal ideation was a very real part of my experience, requiring hospital stays on occasion.

Throughout university I worked with a therapist who committed herself to listen to my sacred story and I started taking my first strides toward healing. The journey of healing from depression was a tumultuous one. Psychiatrists prescribed medication upon medication. Friends sat with me in my numbness. But each week in therapy I moved forward (even though it didn't always feel like progress at the time) because as I told my story, I was learning to listen to my self.

During my last 2 years of university I also began to experience persistent headaches and migraines 3 or 4 times per week. After 2.5 years of non-stop, around-the-clock headaches I had run the gamut of migraine medications, medical specialist consults, and CT scans. By then the conventional medical community had given me all they had, both in terms of headache treatments and treatments for depression. My doctor told me to "learn to live with it." In my early twenties I was not ready to resign myself to "living with it" for the rest of my life. So after reading the book "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Depression" I turned to alternative medicine. I first saw a Chinese physician who took me through an allergy elimination treatment, and later saw a naturopathic physician who set me on the course to health.

I had already been weaned off all anti-depressant medication, after 5 years of non-stop use, when I started the intense one month detox regimen set out by my naturopath. The first few weeks were brutal which I was told was to be expected. I ate nothing but brown rice, green vegetables, and chicken while also consuming a gritty shake that the doctor had prescribed. After 1 month on my new diet I was noticing changes and after 3 months of eating not much more than what was originally outlined, I felt better and more like myself than I ever had! There was a new energy to life and I felt grateful to be alive. Getting to the root cause of my symptoms and learning to manage my food sensitivities changed everything. Again, it was a process of learning to listen to my self and what my body was telling me.

Through the process of very intentional therapy and a complete change of diet, I finally came to a point of moving out of the dark cloud that had pervaded my life all those years.It wasn't as easy as taking a pill twice a day. The whole process was exhausting - more so than I can even begin to express in this post. But I fought for it. I fought for my health and it was so worth it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now, almost 6 years later, I continue to emphasize the importance of listening as I am invited to walk alongside others in their journey. Pain, whether it's located in body, mind or spirit, is very real and something to be listened to, not covered up. There are people for whom medication is necessary and helpful, but I think our society is in a silencing epidemic, especially when it comes to the use of anti-depressant medication. There was a time when I defended the medication I was prescribed as the only way, but now as I share my story I hope that people hear that there are options. What are our bodies telling us? What are our emotions saying? What type of support do we need to gather around us for this journey called life? ...because realistically we all need support. I think it's time to listen.